A Roman Catholic apostolate to support the dignity and inclusion of transgender laity.

Blessed by our Creator with male genitalia and a female brain, I struggled to relate to a society that saw me as male until I transitioned to live as a woman. I share a birth year with Disneyland, so for my 40th we–my wife,daughter and I; planned a family trip there with a special treat for me: I could dress as a woman the whole time. I had been cross-dressing in private since childhood, on occasions with a support group during the previous three years, and in the year before the trip I started adding feminine touches to my male wardrobe. During that year, I had been trying to avoid transition by seeing if just expressing my feminine side, while maintaining my male identity, could work for me. I’m six feet tall and I had always doubted that anyone would accept me as a woman. In a far-off vacationland, we wouldn’t have to worry about rejection from anyone we would ever have to see again. My lifelong fears of rejection and shame, as well as my family’s concerns of social awkwardness of our all female family unit, gradually dissolved as absolutely none of our fears came to pass. I had a wonderful time with my family, relating to them and to the world as a woman for the first time. Disneyland really became “the happiest place on earth” that week, as I came to understand that it wasn’t about “enjoying feminine things” for me. I was a woman, treated with dignity and acceptance by virtually everyone, and it felt so right.

On the drive home, the tears started to flow as we talked and came to believe that I would have to transition in real life, too. I struggled to understand how I could be a woman, a husband, and a father. It took the right therapist, good friends, the wisdom of children, the unconditional love of Mary, my wife, and ultimately just trusting in God to find our path. Now I do live as a woman; my marriage bond is strong; I’m an honest, authentic parent, as well as the daughter my mother wanted after giving birth to two boys.

Excerpt from:Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Husband, and Wife by Hilary Howes
an article in-
More than a Monologue Sexual Diversity and the Catholic Church:
Volume I: Voices of Our Times
Christine Firer Hinze and  J. Patrick Hornbeck, editors

Volume I: Voices of Our Times Christine Firer Hinze and J. Patrick Hornbeck, editors


Comments on: "Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Husband, and Wife (1)" (2)

  1. Much obliged, Miss Hilary. I’ve added this to my collection of documents on Catholic transgenderism. When it comes to the Catholic Church for us, we are like Peter who recognized we have nowhere else to go (John 6). It is impossible for us to start our own church or religion. What bothers me most (especially when I do it) is when a member of the Body speaks against people or their behavior without seriously but reasonably walking in the other person’s shoes. Every corner of the Body is guilty of this. Spewing anger and commiserating can be understandable but can’t be where we find our home nor is it long productive. Maybe I can have my wife and I read your book before we go through the annulment process. I was inspired by the few words of your 40-year Disneyland story and how your wife was loving you. God bless and guide you and yours.

    • TogetherStyle said:

      4 more excerpts on this coming out in the next weeks so stay tuned. Christ knew that he had to call his church to be loving of all. I try to be like that. Our Church can and has done so much good but it has a very black history too. As followers of Christ I believe we must call our leaders to better ways as he did. Courage on your journey sister.

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